My Life is my making. Everything that is happening with life is all because of my past actions and non actions. Just thought to let this out in the beginning itself and declare that you and I do not get to play a poor victim whose life is in shambles. Yes that includes YOU and ME!
But we all know this then how can we feed this feeling of less worth and feel really sad with certain states of life? I do not know the answer to that question, honestly. But I have few ideas …
Tony Robbins says that the reason most people get and stays unhappy is when their blueprint does not match with the reality. Basically we all create this image of our perfect life in our minds eye which becomes our blueprint and this is mostly created automatically. It depends on our upbringing, our triggers and all the experiences we go through in life.
Check this here –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXbrJWNviBM
This is what is mostly true in our case, right?. I have this perfect image of a successful woman who has these talents and skills to lead a fulfilling life and when I am far from living that then it does seep into my subconscious state of mind. You probably have certain kind of image of your perfect life as well which seems like a never ending chase.
Being in lockdown is certainly does not help. Its not helping me atleast, as usually I would go for three long walks in a day to clear my head and get perspective of things. That’s not happening so my thoughts are clouding inside this tiny brain of mine ( a secret message for someone -that’s not called down syndrome. Yes I am telling this to you).
The questions keep pestering when we are in funk and they are almost the same for all of us with maybe few plus and minuses. Why did I not do that when I could? Why do I not spend my time effectively? What will happen to my future if I can not learn something substantial right now? How did I not get what she got? Yada yada
This started mostly yesterday after some triggers. Its important to recognize your triggers. They are always there when the feeling of funk comes up. You don’t believe me probably but its a fact. You can google it.
The first and most stupid one – When I was working out over whatsapp video chat with Allison and Jonathan, I could hear birds chirping in the background of where Allison was which is in Florida and it was so quaint where she was and at the same time I was hearing a mixer grinder going on in my kitchen, loud TV noise from granny’s room and horns (yes even in lock down) from outside my window. I think this was the first trigger and even though I was so happy, somehow I started sinking. (Does loud TV noise precisely the news channel chatter bother you?)
Second, after the call ended I got sucked into some work which did not help. This created this whirlwind in my mind that – what am I doing with my life?
Third, I posted something on Facebook for the welfare of others and received very cold response. At the same time I changed my DP and wowzy, so many likes I N S T A N T L Y. I mean c’mon people. This pushed me right off the edge. I mean this was not the plan. The plan was something else. I was supposed to figure things our slowly , take my time, settle in and here I am with talents – I am not able to earn revenue off, dreams – I am not able to give up and hope – far away.
But all is merry. I am not sick, my family and friends are fine, I have my job and I have the comfort of my home , my family and people who love me a lot. So all is good. Still, when you get into a funk like that then you tend to find an escape which mostly leads you to ? where? YES, NETFLIX.
I tend to always go the escape route only to feel more terrible and then the only thing that helps me is to reset my breaks. I just can not function with not taking steps , however small they maybe. I have been a person who has always been too hard on herself so I am always consciously reminding myself at times like these to stay focused and realize that ‘ I am doing my very best’.
I know I have things to figure out and I will, slowly and steadily. Still I wanted to give some ideas which works for me. Its for you who is reading this post provided there is someone reading this post. God Bless You BTW.
So the tips: (keeping Quarantine in mind)
- Change helps: Like changing the bed sheets, taking a fresh towel, sitting at some other spot then usual.
- Setting small goals and crossing them off my to-do list at night. (I am not good at setting small goals)
- Talk to someone who wants to listen or if there is no one like that then write my heart out every morning in my diary. Best thing to do is not to bottle up feelings.
- Write Gratitude in morning and nigh journals. Also try to write some thing different each day.
- Hug someone – I can’t do it as I live with my parents and we only hug when someone is getting on a plane. So what I do is, sometimes lie down beside my mom on her bed and chat. Or keep my head on her lap when she is watching TV.
- Learn something new.
- Move your body – workout / dance / whatever
- Get a good sleep, every day ( Still have to master this one)
I do not do all of these every day but I try to do some of these specially when I am in funk. BTW, I am planning to quit all forms of social media until the lockdown is over. Is that a bad idea? Ofcourse then will not be able to send this blog to a larger audience but is there a value in that ? Can some one help me reach an audience? What should I do?
Oh I am listening to this amazing song from begin again – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mxDUyftF9k
I am not trying to say anything. I promise with this song. Just love it.