Amor Vida : Love Life Day 60

What are we worth?

Some events of our lives forces us to question certain grittiness of life, some habits we acquire with time, the emotions we feel on certain occasions and even our existence. It forces us to think “what are we worth for, do we matter to people and who are we?”.

If you have lived enough and I assume you have a family, set of friends and probably a lover then at some time or other you will question your existence in their lives and theirs in your life. They say that family is all we have got and I extend this to “family and friends are all we got” but still there are days when I feel so far away from myself that I myself start to question these things.

Okay so this would happen when something blue takes over but on a day to day life I see and hear from many that they wished they had more friends, their boss would acknowledge them for something they do, their colleagues would be nice to them and yet at times these are the exact people who do the same indifferent treatments with others. So when I feel this thing that even though I worked hard I did not get what I deserved or even though I provide honesty and compassion in all of my relationships I do not get honesty and compassion in return then I have made a habit to STOP and see how I am with people who report to me. Have I overlooked someone’s true potential just because I was busy with my melodrama or did I turn my back towards someone who truly showed me compassion at time of need. More often than not I find certain evidences of falling short and thats my Que to pick up pace and provide.

Now there are some theories which says that if you are a provider than you will feel lighter and happier and that could be true at certain level but there are times when I am in the shoes of a-giver and feel desperate for the same attention. I mean I feel like I also deserve someone to care for me and easy my burden a bit.

Maybe I am in this mood today out of blue or maybe I was carrying this burden along for quiet sometime but today is when I write about it. These days its become one of my habits to crack the human code and understand why some one behaves in the way they do. There are some questions about some of these people that keeps popping up in my head like-

  • what made that someone to hurt me?
  • Do people actually see my efforts that I put in my relationships?
  • Why did he not choose me? what was the reason? Maybe I need a closure which I will never get because he is dishonest.
  • What made them see through me when they were having a gala time and now in desperate needs I am the go-to person. Where does that makes me stand in their life?
  • Does he see all the efforts and patience I keep in my daily life? I am sure he does and its mutual I believe but at times why do I feel like I am checked out?
  • When someone says that they are there to help then can I really trust them?
  • When someone tells me that they love me then can I really believe in them and return the love when actually I was repeatedly hurt by the same person.
  • What do I do with the energy vampires of my life?
  • Whom do I believe?

If all these are sound and absolute questions then maybe the end result always is that “You really are on your own at all times” then also we as humans need family and friends and maybe thats why these two set of people should and must remain honest. I pray that at-least this happens on everyone’s lives.