I am on the path of silence. No I am not dying but saying that I want peace is overrated so I referred to that exact feeling as silence. I want silence in my core. I still want to have a lot of conversations with myself but like a beautiful relationship where both parties have a say and they are loving at all times. Which means that I need a way to block out all of the negative and pessimistic voices out of my me-space.
I have made up my mind pretty strongly for this but still there is something stopping me from moving forward to that goal of mine.. that are the noises and graphic images of “What ifs”. What if she said this, what if I did this again then what would they say. I can easily visualize a bad day and I know that I am giving too much control to my brain for this but I guess this means that months of putting up with something undesirable has actually given that memory or feeling a passage to my subconscious mind.
I know that I am overall a positive and hopeful person. There are also certain life thumb rules I have which I abide by no matter what so then if I am this strong headed then how can something this pity has affected me? I am curious and hence while looking for answers I dug deep into my chore and asked myself that why do I feel bad when certain things happens. I was feeling hurt because I saw my trust being invalidated. I felt like crap when people would lie in front of me and I had to put up with it. I felt disgusted when I would see people trying to fool me with their words when their truth is long back sold for pennies. So what is the way to block this energy from coming on to me?
Create new visuals..Easy right? Not really. I took months to come here so practically I will take equal amount to time to be myself again and if I need to make sure that outside energy does not mess with me ever again in life then I need a daily practice of new visualization.
Maybe it’s time to start meditation. It could help. Any suggestions?
Oh btw, I wanted to admit that I slept yesterday while aiming to write the blog with my laptop on. Seriously.