I knew it was coming and its weird to write this openly for the world to see and judge me. But right now amidst all this I anyways feel like I am operating in my own shadow and there is really no one who can see me, hear me or know what I am feeling from moment to moment. And just in case someone does read this , like a real human being then its actually nice to know that I am not left alone in this world.
I know I am exaggerating and I know I have so many things to be grateful for but if I have learned something in all these years then it is not hide what you actually feel. I am not content right now in my bones. Like I am fine outside but inside, I am burned out with all that work. I am devastated that my life is not what it was supposed to be at this moment. I am sad because I really can not see the end of all this. I am frustrated as I do not know what I should do to get out of this zone. I am battling the battle of money vs my sanity.
I need to go out. I need to go to mountains and breath some fresh air. I need to feel alive. I need to just leave all this expectations of self behind. I want freedom from my own built tower where I have captured every last bit of my soul.