While I sit here on my bed in my room eating Indian Bambino spoon by spoon, I think to myself why should I commit myself to a daily blog? What will it offer me?
If you ask me I still know the exact moment when this thought took birth in my mind which was during one of my daily travels back home by Delhi-Metro. It’s almost every day that I end up introspecting my life rather than listening to songs or watching videos like everyone else is doing in the train and the soul-searching usually begins when I am half way through my ride back home and realize that still there is more than an hour left to reach home. On this particular day I was more than requisite emotional about my ‘daily living situations’ and at that moment the idea of ‘writing a daily blog’ sounded awe-inspiring and almost apt to turn my life around.
Now when I think about the actual writing process than I can’t help but wonder, I am once again making an overestimated plan with myself. To tell you about this in detail, here is a small story of how I have been throughout my life – So I grew up in a typical Indian household where parent’s only FOCUS is to get their kids in medical or engineering college and in order to get to that there is a long struggle of daily studies and extra classes and home works and revisions and repeat. I did all that and since my mom is a planner, she would ask me to make “Time Tables” for myself in order to give a dedicated time for each of the subjects and classes. Basically I did that in perfection. Oh wait a minute, did I tell you this about me that I am a perfectionist in making plans? Lol. I am.
So from the early childhood I got into this habit of making long and intense time tables and I bet you that if you follow my time table for even a month then Howard will come looking for you my friend. The only problem in my plan was that they were way too strict and way too intense for a normal human child. Oopsy I missed that small piece of information while growing up and continued making plans and failing at it and then wondering “why did I fail? I mean why can’t I just study for 17 hours a day and sleep for 6 hours and give 1 hour to bath/eat etc? ” I would beat myself up a lot for this and sadly this habit did not fade when I finished my education. This actually became me new normal. I would always make these intense plans of “working in office, reading while travelling back home, making my own food, learning how to play guitar, advance courses, dance classes and the list never ended”.
But even said that I believe that it’s important to plan and do stuff for our own self. Robin Sharma says that “your days are your life in miniature” and I kind of agree with him on this. This is the ultimate truth about everything we are looking forward for in our lives. All of us wants a lot of things and we know that to get to X we need to first do the Y and we set aside some time to do Y but a day slips in two and then in months and before you know it we have skipped that goal all together from our memory. It’s a shame if you ask me that we let this happen to ourselves.
How many of us actually work on improving ourselves after we finish our education? When I hear people talk about their days, I mostly hear their stories about ‘how their partner is doing X,YZ or how a coworker is acting bitchy and how they are waiting for the shift to end so that they can hang out with friends at a bar etc’ and I very rarely hear form people that ‘you know I am taking this course of Advanced JAVA after office or I am learning how to play Piano the or that I go for a run before I sleep’.
We as a society are living our lives from weekend to weekend and our weekdays are only about our office and commute and nothing. The sad part is that for most of us the weekend is also a big Nothing. Where is the spark? I am not sure if the entire country has this issue but till date I have met only a very few people who would absorb themselves in their craft until they achieve something great out of it. For example, my friend shilpi who spends her days and days in one travel story until she knows everything about the place, people, ticket prices and routes etc. I instantly got connected to her and I believe that her passion was what made us like each other a lot. In our times together I don’t remember us bitching about anyone for even a moment. Our minds would never function that way and somehow those days when we were working together (1 year back) I did the maximum amount of travel and fun and writing.
So yes I am this person who literally hates spending days and days doing nothing great. I have to continuously enrich my soul in order to get a deep sleep at nights and my new job did gave me a good step in my career but it also gave me 4 hours of travel each day to office and back and soon it started sinking in me that I am letting the life slips slowly from fingers day by day. I love my job and when I am at work then that’s the only thing I think about. I believe that “leadership” gets me and I love solving critical situations but I have this deep passion for my personal growth too and I need to do a lot of things day by day to get to the other end.
How will I find time to write? And what will I write about? I am mean the brilliant idea originated to bring some sort of momentum, fun, discipline and structure to my day to day life while my life is slipping through my fingers even as I write this.
So the first step in this process was to write down everything that I wanted to achieve to make this year and this life a masterpiece in my own way. I followed this method explained in a book by Robin Sharma which illustrates on how we should begin our journey from within. Out of many questions which you have to ask yourself one is “What would you want to happen in this year to make this year a remarkable year” and I instantly knew what I wanted from my year. I am not writing all that here and some of it is really personal but there are some common things which you can relate with like getting fit, reading more about great things, finishing my book etc. So I started planning like always.
While I was making grand plan for this daily blog, luckily I shared the idea with my friend Jonathan and he instantly advised me on how I should begin this program with only a few goals initially and then build on it rather that my plan of going full throttle only to get stuck with burned out engine half way.
Now you could ask me that I can simply write about this is my personal diary and get about it rather than giving a mirror to the world to see my life and its details. A part of me also worries that this could be seen as an act of ‘grabbing attention’ but the reality is that I am doing it for “All Of Us” as I am just like you. I have same fears, same challenges and same goals. We all are actually the same if you think about it. We all want a peaceful life, love, monetary goals, promotions and lots of these things. Sure it differs from person to person. I mean you might want an Audi and me a Volkswagen Polo, you might wish for a new acquisition of stocks whereas I might dream of a job at Lonely planet but end result is that we all are striving for something which is out of our reach and we feel that if we just put the right amount of consistent effort then we might be able to see how it looks like from up close.
Now while choosing which activity to begin my regime with I am choosing two at the moment, I mean I have toned down a lot from 6 to 2 (accolades for me). The things I am choosing are the ones that I certainly require to get more done in my day given my erratic schedule and these are also the things which have a deep impact in my life. Well, to give you a brief about my deepest wish you will have to know that I am a girl who is confidant in her bones but ironically who hates her body. Well not actually hate as that is a strong word but you can say that who is extremely critical of her appearances (just like you are). She also happens to be a wannabe writer who is struggling to find even a nickel of time to write and finish her first novel. She is also owner of a social initiative called Happy60ing which is not getting much of her attention because of same old thing- Lack of time.
So what are my most important goals- Get comfortable in my skin, finish my book and enjoy life with a lot of travels. I feel it’s time that I switch mode from planning to doing. Its time I find time to work out even when I have no time left in my day from my job and commute but that’s not a good enough excuse. Right? Also, if I don’t finish my book now then lets face it I will never do it and this would become like my guitar which is sitting in my room waiting for me to find time to grab it and play the strings with conviction and passion. So Lets Do This!
Hmmm so now we know each other. You know me because I just told you. ROFL and I know you because if you are still reading than probably you might be in that same race against time as I am so we are even. Let’s begin our journey together. Shall we?
Tell me something, do you feel happy when you look at yourself in the mirror or when you just turn side ways to stare at your ass? Well I feel happy sometimes as I feel ooooh that’s shakira but to be frank not always. And the sad truth is that I have been in this fight with my body since the beginning of this world and we seem to be going nowhere. It’s like there is no democracy but dictatorship of my body against me. The funny thing is that when I look at my old pictures I feel good about myself. I mean during most of my life I looked decent but I specifically remember cursing myself and my body all the time. Why did I do that? Why did I not like it then? Ok don’t get me wrong. I just love myself. I know its hard for you to believe it but this is the truth and the testimony to that love is my blog. Since I love my life and my self so much I want to leave no stone unturned while caring for it and while working on it.
How many of us work on ourselves? Not many I think. Even if there are people who are constantly doing that then I am sadly not meeting them so let’s meet friends. Tell me that you are like me and you want to give this life some great meaning and that you believe in constant work on body and soul.
I was actually thinking that from where do we get these images of perfect body and who told us that binge eating was stress buster? I mean someone must have opened the bag of chips for the first time when they were sad, right? But if these things are really so bad then why do we do this and then feel guilty. It’s the same for all of us- stressed then eat then feel guilty and be more stressed and repeat. We are actually cursing our bodies round the clock and I read somewhere that they can listen to us. Yes, our body can listen to us and feel really bad. I guess mine is angry with me but it was not always like that. I mean it did listen to me as all I wanted from my body was to not absorb any food that I eat and it listened. Voila. The impact of years of dieting has lead my body to reject food. I mean literally, if I eat more at one sitting then its bad (cant share the details) but then as I said its in dictatorship so I fight back.
But with that said Body Shaming is at its peak and its bad guys. We tell our friends that ‘babe you just look awesome’ but we look into the mirror and curse each and every extra curve of our body. Why? Why can’t we love ourselves like we love our friends?
So my blog is an attempt for me to appreciate what I have and at the same time work for a healthy and creative life. So here is what I am going to do– To start with I will include exercise and for that I will get up at 5 AM every day as let’s face it I have NO FUCKING TIME for that workout with luxury of sleep. Let’s see for how long I can do that for but let me tell you people, you haven’t seen this girl’s stubbornness yet. If I decide then I do it but it takes me some motivation to actually get to the deciding mode.
Ok so I am heading to bed as I have to get up at 5 Am tomorrow. For what? Of course to RUN.